Thursday, March 11, 2010

Teasn' Pleasn'

Hey hey, so... first "brand new" netbook that I got around Christmas time is totaly dying on me and I blame the "not authentic" windows 7 that came with it. I'm going to go get an external optical drive and install some other OS on it, but that's the reason I haven't posted my very exciting blog about C64 emulation and the story of my quest for Mega Man ringtones. But it's coming. In the meantime....

I went to a christian school in 8th and 9th grade after being kicked out of public schools for must have cost my parents a fortune, I was a bad kid and I feel pretty bad now about how much stress I caused them and still do. At this christian school, we weren't allowed to have long hair or wear metal tshirts. We also had this thing every year called "spiritual emphasis week". It was a week long event where the whole school would not go to class, but would gather in the auditorium or the chapel and listen to some hotshot out of town guest speakers about....not jesus and god and such, but the horrors of heavy metal, role-playing games and satanism.

Now for me, being one of only two kids at the school who liked heavy metal and role-playing games (the rest were pretty much jocks) this was a complete laugh fest for both the years I attended.
Basically your standard stuff, Judas Priest and Painkiller will make you kill your parents, sex before marriage will send you to hell, Dungeons and Dragons will make you kill your parents AND send you to hell.
The guy would show all these of them was some tagging by some punk kids in what looked like Santa Cruz, it was a wall with typical punk writing on it, eat the rich uk subs, and s(A)nta (cruz)
...the guy was like...what do you think that santa means?! Santa Claus!? No!! It's Satan!!!!
This went on for an entire week.
He read some alternative lyrics to Def Leppard Pour Some Sugar on Me... ( a hit song at the time)
it was like : Put some sugar in me, in the name of drugs, cmon line me up, blah blah blah.
We also covered: The Nightstalker, Subliminal sex messages in magazine ads, and satans face in a canadian bank note...writing about it now, it seems even crazier than it did back then. I wonder what spiritual emphasis week looks like now.

Anyways. One day we went to the gym for an "Expose" about heavy metal music. The guy was showing slides of all these bands and talking about them, Ozzy biting the heads off bats, etc. At one point he showed a slide of a newer band that was completely obscure and not even that great or influential. "Anyone know who this is?" he asked.
Me being the know it all kid that I was yelled out from way up in the bleachers of the darkened gym...."Dangerous Toys!!!!"
Who said that!!! They didn't have a spotlight to shine on me so the speaker never found out, but everyone around me knew.

That's enough rambling for now.
Here's the one "hit" Dangerous Toys had:

The opening guitar riff kinda rocks.
There was a time when pretty much everyone I knew outside of school dressed like this too. Yup, metal is kinda dead.

(edit) I almost forgot the best part of that story. I was really into fantasy books in high school and i would read in every class and every lunch. The time I was there I read for the first time the Dragonlance Chronicles and Legends series, and all the Drizzt Do'Urden books Along with other Forgotten Realms books that came out at the time. ALL the kids would say things like, "Hey you still reading those devil books?". Someone even wrote "keep reading those devil books" in my yearbook. If you've read those books you know what total classics they are...
Man the kids at that school were lame.


  1. Haha ... oh man, that post really brought back some memories. I think every school has that one (or sometimes more) teacher who is worried about every kid in school going to Hell. Ours was coach Piersall, our sociology teacher. Coach was so worried about the music we were listening to (Metallica, Motley Crue and Guns N' Roses) that he took this whole week and showed us videos like you were talking about. Of course my friends and I thought those videos were hilarious, but more importantly we would write down the names of the bands we didn't know and then we all went and bought THOSE tapes too! Two bands I specifically remember hearing about during that first video were Slayer and Jane's Addiction. By the end of the week I had both of their tapes as well. It's kind of ironic that I ended up hearing about Slayer's Reign in Blood from Coach Piersall.

    One thing that struck me was how many things those shows got wrong. They always talk about Ozzy's "Suicide Solution" as being pro-suicide when it's actually anti-alcohol, and I remember them talking about Slayer's "Angel of Death" saying it was pro-holocaust. They also pointed out that in Metallica concerts people were yelling "Die! Die! Die!" but they forgot to mention that it was during the song "Creeping Death" which is a story right out of the bible.

    I don't think anyone thought we were devil worshipers for playing D&D. They just thought we were dorks. And we were.

  2. speaking of D&D if you, sean and gary come up here we can spend a weekend playing in my gameroom, doritos and pepsi GALORE!